What do you want?
What does your heart long for?
Which day dreams light you up?
This seems like one of the easiest questions to answer. It’s the first question I ask in a coaching call, “What do you want?”. Simple hey? It doesn’t matter if it’s relationship, career, family or finance – What do you want?
Sadly, many people quickly go to what they don’t want. They’ll answer with “I’m sick of this situation” or “I really hate …. “. I generally stop them right there and say “That’s great! Now we know what do DON’T want, what do you want?”. A little taken aback, they think for a while.
They can start to say the classic hopes for us “to be happy” or perhaps something that their parents wanted for them. It’s another hurdle to navigate what they think they SHOULD want.
Why is it such a difficult question to answer?
~ Perhaps back in childhood it was frowned upon to want so much. “Don’t be greedy”.
~ Maybe strong parental views about who & what we should be.
~ You’ve never asked yourself that question.
~ More likely – you’ve never taken the precious time to explore it thoroughly.
~ Women (esp mothers) can have really struggle as they have put their needs aside for a while – Generalising, of course.
Now, what do you REALLY want?
Let yourself fly. What if you couldn’t fail? What if success was guaranteed? What if you had unlimited resources (time & money)? Let your dreams, hopes and wishes start to spill out, however they come.
When we get to this point in a coaching session, the energy in the room shifts. It is a beautiful moment to share with someone. Pure dream, pure creation, sorry to get all bumper sticker on you, but magic happens. Have you ever asked a friend or loved one this question? Do it soon and marvel at what unfolds.
Check for Congruency
Now that the ball is rolling it’s great to check for an alignment between your core beliefs, values, passions and this dream of yours. These are big topics that I will go into one at a time at a later blog but here is an example to help you clarify.
A recent client of mine had a dream of running an urban retreat space with café, spa and yoga space. Fabulous! Sounds great! Yet as we drilled down into her core values we uncovered that FREEDOM is of utmost importance to her. “That’s interesting”, I said. I asked if she felt FREE when she thought of this urban retreat space she wanted to create. “No, not at all” she said with a mixture of surprise and relief. We tweaked her goal keeping ‘Freedom’ as the guiding light and it couldn’t have worked out better.
Make sure there is an alignment between what you want and who you are. Before you even lift a finger toward your goal, make sure it really, really is what you want. More blogs and downloads will be available shortly.
If you’d like some coaching around getting clear on what you really want then we can do a block of skype or phone sessions. It takes time to craft and clarify something that has been so elusive. Be patient. Be thorough. You are worth it.